you think you might cross over
Jan. 3rd, 2025 01:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ab_penndreicFor the last six months, Arthur has been searching for a way to get back to Lancelot. This time, it's not to bring him home -- their last meeting remains vivid in his heart, the knowledge that he and Guinever have damaged this man they both love, that his best hope for happiness is staying in the place between worlds where Arthur found him before. Arthur has plenty of regrets, but this isn't one.
He'd woken in the woods the morning after their day together with his head pounding and his horse nowhere to be seen. It took days of wandering before Kay found him (of course it was Kay, his gruff older brother, who should have been back in Camelot doing the work to hold everything together, but had insisted on leading the search efforts for his king). When he arrived back in Camelot, it was even longer before the gloom lifted from him: he couldn't stop thinking of how he'd hurt Lancelot, how he'd driven him away. He was, he can almost admit to himself, jealous. Jealous of Lancelot's new friends, his new future. As if it had been better for Lancelot to stay trapped in a castle of people who saw him as a figurehead of bravery rather than a man, skulking around behind Arthur's back for an affair Arthur had known about from the beginning.
But over time Arthur's spirits began to lift. He kept thinking of Lancelot living the life Arthur himself would give anything for: unburdened by expectations, with no battles to win and no territory to maintain, surrounded by friends and the leisure to sort himself out as a person. He's glad that's Lancelot's future. He can't be envious of it.
And he's been busy in Camelot. Without Lancelot he's gone back to relying more on Kay and Bedivere, and spent more time with Gawain, trying to prepare his nephew for the day he'll be High King. Things aren't better between him and Mordred (he has no idea how to talk to Mordred), but they are better with Gwen. Once, he spoke to her about the goings-on at court, but they'd long since stopped confiding in one another; lately, though, he's been asking her opinion as well as his advisors', talking over problems with her as well bringing them to Merlin. It's helped. They decided Mordred shouldn't be married to her sister, and instead are waiting for him to bring a match of his own choosing. After all, King Lot doesn't care who his wife's bastard marries.
In all, the last five years have been good ones, even without his best friend.
But starting around Christmas, Arthur began longing for a way to tell Lancelot this. He should know that he made the right choice. And if Arthur, in delivering the news, is able to see his friend again, well-- that's just a happy coincidence (as it would be if he were to run into an angel who could provide another bowl of spiced stew).
Merlin doesn't care for the idea -- in fact, he's almost angry when Arthur suggests it. So Arthur turns to his sister instead. Morgan hates him, but she likes proving her cleverness even more, and when he suggests that Merlin turned him down because he wasn't capable of that kind of magic, she instantly agrees. If he never comes back, she tells him, she'll be perfectly happy.
Those six months are long ones, and Morgan does send him a cloak she says will transport him but which just turns out to be poisoned, but Arthur knows they have a friendly rivalry to uphold, so he doesn't mind. And in the end, she has Owain bring him a strange device shaped like some kind of wand with a glowing light at the tip. Arthur doesn't bother with a horse this time, but he does have a letter from Guinever, and one from Bors as well tucked inside his tunic.
He closes his eyes, grips the device, and then?
Then he's back in those unfamiliar woods. He shoves the device into his belt and begins trudging towards the forest's edge.
Arthur is older than he was last time he came, but he still carries himself like a king. He has a circlet in his sandy hair, and his beard is neatly trimmed. After all, he's visiting Lancelot. He wants to look his best.
He'd woken in the woods the morning after their day together with his head pounding and his horse nowhere to be seen. It took days of wandering before Kay found him (of course it was Kay, his gruff older brother, who should have been back in Camelot doing the work to hold everything together, but had insisted on leading the search efforts for his king). When he arrived back in Camelot, it was even longer before the gloom lifted from him: he couldn't stop thinking of how he'd hurt Lancelot, how he'd driven him away. He was, he can almost admit to himself, jealous. Jealous of Lancelot's new friends, his new future. As if it had been better for Lancelot to stay trapped in a castle of people who saw him as a figurehead of bravery rather than a man, skulking around behind Arthur's back for an affair Arthur had known about from the beginning.
But over time Arthur's spirits began to lift. He kept thinking of Lancelot living the life Arthur himself would give anything for: unburdened by expectations, with no battles to win and no territory to maintain, surrounded by friends and the leisure to sort himself out as a person. He's glad that's Lancelot's future. He can't be envious of it.
And he's been busy in Camelot. Without Lancelot he's gone back to relying more on Kay and Bedivere, and spent more time with Gawain, trying to prepare his nephew for the day he'll be High King. Things aren't better between him and Mordred (he has no idea how to talk to Mordred), but they are better with Gwen. Once, he spoke to her about the goings-on at court, but they'd long since stopped confiding in one another; lately, though, he's been asking her opinion as well as his advisors', talking over problems with her as well bringing them to Merlin. It's helped. They decided Mordred shouldn't be married to her sister, and instead are waiting for him to bring a match of his own choosing. After all, King Lot doesn't care who his wife's bastard marries.
In all, the last five years have been good ones, even without his best friend.
But starting around Christmas, Arthur began longing for a way to tell Lancelot this. He should know that he made the right choice. And if Arthur, in delivering the news, is able to see his friend again, well-- that's just a happy coincidence (as it would be if he were to run into an angel who could provide another bowl of spiced stew).
Merlin doesn't care for the idea -- in fact, he's almost angry when Arthur suggests it. So Arthur turns to his sister instead. Morgan hates him, but she likes proving her cleverness even more, and when he suggests that Merlin turned him down because he wasn't capable of that kind of magic, she instantly agrees. If he never comes back, she tells him, she'll be perfectly happy.
Those six months are long ones, and Morgan does send him a cloak she says will transport him but which just turns out to be poisoned, but Arthur knows they have a friendly rivalry to uphold, so he doesn't mind. And in the end, she has Owain bring him a strange device shaped like some kind of wand with a glowing light at the tip. Arthur doesn't bother with a horse this time, but he does have a letter from Guinever, and one from Bors as well tucked inside his tunic.
He closes his eyes, grips the device, and then?
Then he's back in those unfamiliar woods. He shoves the device into his belt and begins trudging towards the forest's edge.
Arthur is older than he was last time he came, but he still carries himself like a king. He has a circlet in his sandy hair, and his beard is neatly trimmed. After all, he's visiting Lancelot. He wants to look his best.
